An Open Letter to the Linux Community from Bill G.

As you may know, I have recently lost my job as Chief Executive of the world's most powerful software company. You don't need to worry about me or my family, though. I still have a job as software architect and thinker. Our cars are paid for and we have a little money in the bank. We'll be fine.

Now that I have some time on my hands, I'd like to join your community and help out. After all, if not for a hand up from friends like IBM and Apple, I might never have reached a position to crush them.

The way I see it, we each have a problem that the other can help. I'm bored and I'm so stinking rich that, short of funding my own manned Mars mission, I can't possibly spend it all. Your problem is easier. You want to dominate the world. Not a single one of you has ever done it, but I have.

Titles aren't important to me. "Leader" will be fine. Let's give that poor Finn some relief. You've leaned on him too long. Besides, he works for my buddy, Paul. Let's help Paul to get his undivided attention for a while.

As leader, I would keep my eye on the prize, and yours as well. I would quickly introduce some healthy paranoia. No more "Microsoft is dead" talk. Over the years, I've heard that mainframes are dead, IBM is dead, COBOL is dead, Apple is dead, Novell is dead, Unix is dead, etc.. Smugness makes you complacent. Complacency gets you killed. Didn't you guys pay any attention to Netscape? Started to believe their press clippings. Heh, heh. I still chuckle when I picture that Andreeson kid's face once he realized how screwed they were.

These are dangerous and exciting times. A whole new product is coming out-Windows 2000. A lot of people have been waiting for it. A lot of people are going to buy it and use it. Steve, the guy who took my old job, is your worst nightmare. Believe it or not, I care about the technology. Steve doesn't. He's a marketing guy all the way. His first priority is winning. His second priority is to achieve his first priority. He will sell, sell, sell, sell, sell. The product will get better, too, because that gives him something else to sell, sell, sell, sell, sell.

Sun Tzu said that all warfare is based on deception. That's what Microsoft has been pulling on you, and you've been taking the bait. I know that you love your OS and the software that it supports. You need to understand that Windows 2000 has a lot going for it as well. It certainly is the most technically advanced Windows yet. Honestly, though, nothing in it is new. Some of its new features merely catch it up with Linux and bring it closer to commercial Unices and to Netware Directory Services. We could argue and measure all day trying to figure out which one is better. We won't do that because it doesn't matter. All those benchmarks and technical comparisons? Misdirection, plain and simple.

Our real problem is not technology, it's inertia. We face a bazillion MCSE's out in the field and a bazillion CIO's who buy Microsoft because they know how. End users think they know Windows. They're afraid of Linux because Windows has been so bad. I saw one report that people's computers get more reliable over time. Why? They stop doing things that make their computers crash. They learn a million little ways to get around the shortcomings in their systems. They'll tell you they don't understand computers, and they'll be right because Windows problems are incomprehensible. Heck, how often do tech reps throw up their hands and re-install everything? They think they can't learn Linux and they they think they know Windows and they're darned well sure they don't understand computers.

Believe me, we can change their minds. Believe me, we wouldn't have been worried if you couldn't win any users over. But look, IBM is no slouch when it comes to marketing. Neither are Compaq and Oracle. Look at what Apple's been able to do in the last couple of years. Of course, Apple had two big advantages. Everybody knows that Macs are easy to use. Linux users tell newbies to read the manual, Mac users assume you shouldn't have to. Besides they're cute. Whatever the reason, Apple has changed a lot of minds.

We need make it easier for people to get started. This is where I broke into night sweats on the old job. You see, easy is easier than you think. It's great to be doing all that KDE and GNOME stuff and things like COAS and Lizard and Linuxconf and Newbie Doc sites and the like. The best way to make Linux easy, though, is to ask a friend for help. Just about every body knows someone they think is a computer whiz who can come help them with Windows. That's not true for Linux. Linux has a few important tricks up its sleeve, though. Linux is free and Linux is fun and Linux can do a lot of very cool things with cheap hardware. For that reason, Linux is becoming the cool OS on campus and a growing choice with young Web Entrepeneurs. Take aim at these early adapters and the rest will follow. They'll have someone to show them how things are done and Linux will get easier.

Cute shouldn't be a problem, either. Penguins are very cute. Everybody loves penguins. I wonder if VA Linux systems could make a penguin-shaped workstation? Maybe put a CD-ROM drive in its bill and call CD's herring. Maybe even put a red hat on it and have that strange Caldera dancing dude do a few steps. Sounds cute to me. We do have a problem with S.U.S.E, though. What's with that weird green mascot of theirs? It looks like something that didn't survive the Cambrian die-off. Sheesh.

Finally, I would make sure that all software running on Linux comes under the GPL. It wouldn't be that tired old GNU license you're stuck with now. Nosirree, Bob, and by the way, I've got copies of Bob for anyone who wants it. I'm talking about the next generation GPL. It wouldn't leave you at the mercy of the ragtag band you put your faith in now. No, the Gates Public License would make sure that all rights remain exclusively under the control of the only person in this business who really and truly understands world domination.

I can't wait to get started.

Your friend,

Bill